Why Men in Classic Literature are Better Than Men in Real Life

There is a meme circulating Pinterest claiming that men in books are better; however, it only illustrates the beauty that has been brought to life by the men who play them in the screen adaptations. As seen here:



They also call them boys, but a deeper analysis of the books/movies proves that they are indeed men. (In case anyone is wondering this is Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice; and Mr. Thornton from North and South. The latter being my favorite of all time.) There is never any explanation as to why they are better. I have decided to take it upon myself to expound on the why. Over the next few weeks I have taken one for the team a deemed it my responsibility to show why the men of today could learn a lot from these great men. The first one up is Mr. Rochester from Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre.

Mr. Rochester gets a lot of flack because he seduced Jane even though he was married. He knew that their marriage wouldn’t be legal. He kept Bertha Mason locked in an attic. And he played with Jane’s emotions by making her believe that he was going to marry Blanche Ingram. On the outside looking in those seem like terrible things; however, a deeper scrutiny shows Mr. Rochester wanting Jane because of who she was and not what she could offer him. He loved her. He loved that she rose above her horrible childhood to become this strong, intelligent woman who knew who she was. He saw her as his salvation. She made him want to become a better man. To him the marriage was false, he never loved Bertha and she never loved him. Although locking her in an attic seems harsh, taking into account the circumstances of the 19th century, Thornfield’s attic was a much better option than the asylum’s of those days. He was protecting her as well as those who worked for him. This is evidenced by the fact that it is talked about how he pays Bertha’s nurse much better than others. He may not have loved her but he still honored his commitment to care for her the best that he could. He was never going to marry Blanche, had she seen past her own ambitions she wouldn’t have gotten so carried away. Mr. Rochester insists that Jane be present at dinner and afterward because he enjoys seeing the difference in her behavior compared to Blanche. He knows that she is the one that he wants and it is more to anger Blanche and force her to see her shortcomings rather than Jane.

9 Reasons why Mr. Rochester was a Good man:





1.) Good men want substance:

· Everyone assumed that Mr. Rochester would marry the ‘beautiful’ Blanche Ingram. She came from a good family and most likely came with a substantial dowry. However, Mr. Rochester saw who she really was and he wasn’t impressed. One of the best scenes is when Mr. Rochester insists that Jane comes and sits with him by the fire, claiming that she is the only person around him worth having a conversation. Mr. Rochester knew that beauty alone wouldn’t survive a marriage, as he had experienced that before, he wants someone who challenges him and encourages him to be a better person.

2.) Good men encourage those around them to see their worth and have confidence in themselves:

· A good strong man doesn’t degrade those around him. He doesn’t feel the need to get his confidence from making others feel inferior. A good man recognizes others worth and encourages them to see it in themselves. Mr. Rochester saw Jane in a way that no one else did. She wasn’t “pretty” in the way society measured beauty but he saw her pure inner beauty.

3.) Good men do not flatter unnecessarily:

· This one may seem a bit strange; however, it is very important. Good men give sincere compliments. They don’t flatter just to flatter or to appear better than they really are. When they give compliments they are genuine and meant to boost a woman’s self-esteem and not just their ego.

4.) Good men see you for what your spirit is, not what is covering it:

· I am not saying that physical attraction isn’t important, it is. However, it is not the most important thing. It is also important to understand that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Good men are capable of seeing that women are not the photoshopped menageries that inundate us daily. They are capable of seeing the individual beauty that every woman has. Jane is repeatedly referred to as “not a beauty”, and throughout the book this is a topic of conversation between her and Mr. Rochester. She even tells him that he isn’t handsome. They are both physically attracted to each other, obviously, and that is that matters to them. Mr. Rochester doesn’t care that Jane isn’t “beautiful” according to societies standards; all that matters is that she is beautiful to him. 

 
5.) Good men don’t want to be the “ruler” but wishes to have a companion to share responsibility and joy:

· A good man will know that he is good alone but great with a woman that he can make decisions with. He also knows that a woman will not be able to me controlled. In one version Mr. Rochester states; “You are an independent, intelligent woman are you not?” (I am paraphrasing but that’s basically what he says.) Because he knew and loved Jane he knew that she was more than capable of being his equal in everything, which is what he wanted. After having had the life he did he wanted someone who was his equal and wouldn’t take anything less.

6.) Good men will always call upon the woman he loves to help him through difficult situations:

· Toward the end of the novel Jane, being with the Rivers, is out for a walk and hears the voice of Mr. Rochester calling her name. For the longest time I always thought “Oh how sweet, they can still feel each other even though they are separated by distance.” It wasn’t until recently that I saw another angle; in his greatest hour of need all he wanted was Jane. He wanted the one thing he knew would make losing his sight bearable. He wanted Jane to help ease the burden, the greatest compliment anyone could give Jane.

7.) Good men will treat the women they love so well that they will radiate from the inside out:

· This one is specific to Jane Eyre because as her and Mr. Rochester’s relationship deepens as he awakens her inner self-confidence that literally radiates from her. She begins to see herself as the beautiful, wonderful person that she is. Many would argue that Jane/any woman shouldn’t allow her confidence to be connected to the attentions of a man. However, in this case Mr. Rochester sees what most other people fail to see in Jane and she delights in the knowledge that she isn’t the only one that sees her amazing qualities. 

 
8.) Good men shower gifts that mean something:

· Jane wasn’t one for material things. She had grown up with a complete lack of gifts. This confused Mr. Rochester, the woman in his social circle thrived on being completely covered in the best gowns and jewelry. Until he had gotten the hang of Jane’s tastes he insisted on giving her fancy jewelry. One of my favorite lines is “How could I have ever thought the fancy veil would have suited you better?” (I paraphrased) He caught on that worldly things didn’t matter to Jane, she preferred things that were meaningful not only to her but also to the person that gave it to her.

9.) Good men will do whatever it takes to keep the woman they love in their life:

· The 2007 Masterpiece Theater adaptation depicts this perfectly. Shown through a flashback Jane remembers the night of her ruined wedding. Mr. Rochester came to her room to beg her to stay at Thornfield. During this intimate exchange Mr. Rochester tells Jane that he has a villa in the Mediterranean that they could live there as brother and sister. He was willing to set aside his desires as long as it meant she would be near him. While Jane knew that his scenario would never turn out the way he envisioned, the remarkable thing is that he wanted her so much he was willing to put aside everything he truly wanted.

Disclaimer: These are simply my opinions, if you disagree or want to add something please feel free but do so in a kind and considerate manner. Also I drew from all the adaptations as well as the book, the photos at the beginning are from the 2007 and 2011 adaptations respectively.

The Inside of my Confusing Mind

It's about to get real personal up in here. If you get uncomfortable that's not my problem because I warned you. 

For the last four and a half years I have shunned the notion of marriage and family. Prior to this I suffered the loss of a relationship that I was certain was going to be one that I would have for eternity. After that I decided that all men were liars and couldn't be trusted. I can now say that I was terribly wrong and that I was hiding behind my own fears and insecurities. The loss encouraged me to finish my degree, to focus on something that I could control and that would bring me joy. Then for four years I had school and work to focus on. There was no room in my life for this crazy little thing they call love, and I was happy about that. Fortunately for me, I graduated last December. Had school continued I would have gotten lost in my own mind. For the longest time I was certain that my life wasn't supposed to include a spouse and children, I had almost convinced myself of that as well. The last few months I have realized my selfish ways. I am not saying I am selfish because I want to further my education. I am saying that I am selfish by not sharing what I have to offer to spouse and the children that would be entrusted to me. There is nothing more important in this world than being a mother. Whether I become one or not, the desire to do God's greatest work will benefit me greatly. 

Now on to a few things I have learned as I have decided to let go of my natural man and become a better person. 

Faith and hope are not often words that you would associate with dating and courtship; however, in the climate of the modern world, these Christ like attributes are the foundation of my struggling dating world… and not in the way that you think. I do not have faith and hope that one day I will find a man that I want to carry me off into the sunset like a valiant pungent reindeer; I have faith and hope that one day I will meet a man who is willing to build a life with me.

Satan has convinced the world that in order for a marriage to be successful you must do the following:

•           Live together for a significant amount of time (how else will you know if you are a physical match).
•           Accept the fact that everyone is addicted to porn and that it will actually help your physical intimacy. (I wish I was kidding but I have read an article supporting this.)
•       Leave God out of your marriage, the only third person in your relationship should be Satan. (There is no article supporting this, it just best describes what most of the other “How to Make Your Marriage Work” advice.)
•       Each of you must be financially secure and independent in order to avoid the dreaded fights over money. Also, struggling to build a life together is not recommended, it is best if you just “insert spouse here.” 

Now lets here the rebuttal Christ offers:

• Save sexual activity until after you are married. Build a strong relationship before you take part in the sacred procreative powers given for use in marriage.
• The atonement is for everyone, if there has been an issue with pornography in the past it is never too late to repent. DO NOT accept a porn addiction. If they are not willing to change then do whatever you must to safeguard your spiritual and physical wellbeing.
• Every successful marriage includes a strong relationship with Heavenly Father.
• A strong marriage is build upon a strong foundation. One that has been built together through hardship and trial. The more you work for something the more valued it becomes to you.

Obviously these are not the exact words but they are my interpretation. I have been taught these principles my entire life. Not much has changed. The first three are the easiest to recognize and fight against the powers of Satan, but the fourth? That one is the wolf in sheep’s wool. Satan has tricked us into thinking that we have to have it all figured out before we bring someone into our lives. This is simply not true. Part of the fun is figuring it out together.

Being the sixth of seven kids I had the pleasure of being introduced to marriage pretty young. My oldest brother and sister got married when I was nine years old. I got to be the flower girl twice in one year. It was marvelous! Of course I was just thinking about the pretty dresses I got to wear and the fact that I got to go to a hair salon and have my hair done by a professional, a can of aerosol spray included. I wasn’t thinking about the fact that they were really young 18 and 19. At the time I didn’t realize how young they were and I still don’t. For some reason their age and lack of “security in life” didn’t affect whether they wanted to get married. My parents were married at age 17 and while people balked at their age it didn’t stop them. They were willing to do whatever it took to be with the person that they wanted to spend the rest of their life with. This doesn’t mean they were without their struggles.

I actually have no idea what their struggles are (something about me not being a part of their marriage, not sure what that is about). However, I do know that they have them. How you may ask? Well, it’s simple Jean; everyone has struggles. It’s a part of the human life cycle.  Not a soul alive can say that they have never had a struggle. (If they do, perhaps you may want to check their mental state.) I do know what I see; I see two couples (I am excluding my parents but will discuss them later) who fight to stay together. By fight I mean they do whatever they need to in order to keep their marriage strong. I know for a fact that they drive each other crazy, but they would die if they didn’t have the other person to drive them crazy. They have successfully built a life together. They didn’t have security when they first got married but now that they have worked together they have built more than just financial security. They had the faith and hope that if they stayed close to their Father in Heaven they would be able to navigate life’s challenges and come off conqueror.

Now to my parents, they were freaking 17 years old when they got married. I asked my dad once how in the world he felt capable of providing for a family that young, he answered “Because I had been taught to work hard, and with your mother I knew that I wouldn’t need to do it alone.” Wait, what? You mean marriage isn’t one sided? It’s almost as if he enjoyed the struggles.

Now you may be wondering what this whole post/rant is really about and here it is. I think I have found the struggle behind not only my dating life but every other single person in this world. We are under the impression that marriage should only happen when we are ‘ready’. “Ready” means prepared to handle the pressures of a spouse and children. I don’t know about others, but I am fairly certain that no one is ever “prepared to handle” the pressures that families bring until they have been brought. Sadly men are under the delusion that a happy marriage can only occur when he is financially secure.

I don’t want this, I want to build a life with a man who is willing to work and struggle together. From my experience, the strongest marriages are those that have survived the struggles. Not the marriages that have never weathered storms.