New Found Confidence.

          What a crazy week that ended in a fantastic weekend. The week started out great, that could have been because I was on top of Cedar Mountain with two of my very best friends. Also could have been that I didn't have to work Monday, which makes for a great day always. Then everything went down hill from there. Until Thursday. So my friend Amber really wanted to ask this guy on a date, but she didn't want to do it alone. So I agreed to ask someone out as well. Full disclosure, we each used the rouse of "Well she wanted to ask him out but didn't want to go on the first date alone", it worked beautifully. Because, I didn't just ask a guy out, I asked the love of my life out. I've known this boy for about two years. For about a year and a half I didn't see anything other than 'a good guy'. Then we went to dinner after not seeing each other for about six months. My vision was dramatically different. After about three months of having a major 'crush' on this boy I realized that he wasn't just a rebound. There was definite interest, on my part at least, and I had better do something about it before it became a what if. One of my biggest fears is having what ifs. Luckily this is not a time when I will have one.

I am usually known for my shy nature and for my complete lack of moxie. However, this little adventure turned a new leaf for me. I have a major fear of rejection and not being good enough. So when I put myself out there and set myself up for possible rejection you cannot imagine my anxiety. I was pleasantly surprised when I was not rejected. While going through this anxiety I started to think of the possible anxiety that men go through when asking a woman out.

This then made me realize that I, as a woman, can't expect a man to know that he can ask me out with me not rejecting him, without some sort of encouragement before hand.  I came to this conclusion because this whole last week I had been thinking that this whole process would be so much easier if this young man had given me some sort of encouragement. He had never discouraged an invitation but he never openly encouraged it. In conclusion, I realized that I couldn't have expected him to encourage an invitation because I in return had never really encouraged him either. So my lesson of the week: You will never know unless you try. I have done my part in encouragement, so if he reciprocates then I have nothing to worry about. If he doesn't then I won't have any what if's. The best part of this experience: I have come out of my shell. Yes I am still afraid of rejection but I also know that I am a great person. I am fun, exciting, unpredictable, cute and enjoyable. I have a great friend who once told me that once I came to understand my qualities that actually make up who I am and how great I am, and not focus on what I think I should be, mainly what I think I should look like to be a person worth being with, I would be a force to reckon with.